The Masters Golf Shop: The most disgusting and glorious display of capitalism known to human beings

As many of you know, I had the . . . opportunity, yes, let’s stick with that word, to work in the Augusta National Golf Club golf shop for the 2008 Masters tournament. This is no easy thing. I had to interview and fill out a lot of paperwork in order to get the job, and many people apply and do not get a job. I am grateful for the opportunity. First, let me say that Augusta National is a top notch organization. Its employees and accommodations are the best—period. You wouldn’t really expect anything else from the most prestigious golf club in the world, would you? Unlike other golf events and many sporting events, there were no advertisements-anywhere. Everything was green . . . and perfect. I also had the chance of walking the course a little and seeing some of the famous holes, like amen corner. The golf course was a very cool experience. Now let me get back to the golf shop.
I cannot really describe how insane the main golf shop was. I worked at the hat counter. I sold over fifty varieties of hats. Each hat was assigned a number. So I had to basically memorize the # for fifty different hats. This took a couple of days. Anyway, here is what the average costumer experience was like. A middle aged, moderately overweight and sunburned man walks up to the counter. The man is obviously successful, because of the gold watch he is wearing, plus the fact that he is wearing a polo shirt from the golf club he is a member of. It doesn't matter what the name of the golf club he is a member of - even if its "Happy Chipmunks Links" - he is showing it off. He walks up to the counter, relieved that he has finally gotten to the hat counter through the maze of people that makes it where people are literally shoulder to shoulder because it’s so crowded. He looks at me and says, "Hey there! (excited that he's about to give more of his money to Augusta National), let me get 10 # 5's, 25 # 7's, a #17, a # 21 and throw in a dozen # 5's." This man is already holding a plastic basket which contains anywhere from 2-10 Masters polo shirts which start at about $70 each and go all the way $150. This man already has $800 of stuff in his basket, and now he wants $400 worth of hats.
Not everyone was like this – but this is what the average person was like. Everyone seems so excited to be in the Masters golf shop that they don’t care that they are paying gratuitous – almost extortionist – prices for products made mostly in China and elsewhere in Asia by cheap laborers for hardly anything. Somewhere Adam Smith is doing jumping jacks! This is how capitalism is supposed to work. This is the most disgusting and glorious display of capitalism I have ever seen. One man I’m talking to me, who had probably spent a ton of money in the golf shop, looks at me with a grin and says, “It’s like their printing money in there!” I could not agree more. Oh, by the way, I spent some of my measly earnings (and they did pay me bad) on a hat. There is no escaping the power of the Masters. People walk into the golf shop like their pants are going to catch fire if they don’t spend $1,000 in twenty minutes. I’ve never seen anything like it.
So one last story. I met Tony Romo while working at the golf shop. I was wearing casual clothes and a hat. No one else at the hat counter recognized him, but I, as any decent NFL fan, knew who he was. I instinctually walked up to him and stuck out my hand, looked him in the eyes and said, “Hey, Tony, its good to meet you. I’m a fan.” Instantly the 16 and 17 year old girls I am working with at the hat counter start to giggle. They know he is someone famous, but they don’t know you. One of them looks at Tony and bursts out, “Who are you!” Tony looks annoyed and says, “no one.” Then the come up to me while he is still at the hat counter and say out load, “who is that.” Finally, when Tony was about to leave, I cracked under their pressure and said, “Its Tony Romo!” They still didn’t know who he was, but at this point they know he is someone famous and are about to pounce. Tony gets a couple of hats and gets out of there just in time. Once the girls find out he is Jessica Simpson’s boyfriend they start telling all the other workers and then go looking for him. Now I don’t feel sorry for celebrities one bit, but I must admit I felt a little bad for Tony because he probably gets that all the time.

The Pope's Visit to America

Josh and I watched some of the coverage of the Pope's visit to America this past week, and it was really interesting to see all of the hoopla. We watched parts of the mass in Yankee Stadium- who knew that communion could be served to 58,000 people in 15 minutes? Wow, talk about express service. (I just want to go on record as saying that in these reflections I mean no disrespect to the Pope or the Catholic church- I did find some things funny, however.)

We were watching the mass yesterday afternoon with Josh's parents, who were in town for the weekend. Somehow Howie managed to commandeer the TV remote and continually muted the Pope during his homily, and also changed the TV twice to Animal Planet and Georgia Public Broadcasting. Our son is sending a message at a young age that he's a Protestant.

We also found the term "Popemobile" hilarious. The Pope came out into Yankee Stadium in his little car/golf cart, and the news people kept referring to it as the "Popemobile." At first I thought they were just kidding around and saying that as a joke. I thought, "Wow, that seems a little disrespectful." But they continued to say it over and over again- that must be the real name! I love it.

We were flipping through channels last night and saw the Pope's departure ceremony at JFK Airport, and as he walked out onto the tarmac and up the stairs to his airplane, I heard organ music playing and it didn't just seem like the TV station was playing that as background music. It seemed like the organ was live at the airport. Josh and I thought maybe the Pope has a full-time organ player following him around at all times. The organ player rides on a wheeled cart with his organ to ensure that the Pope can hear organ music at every point during the day. We wondered if the Pope gets a little tired of organ music. "Guys, I like other kinds of music too! I'm getting sick of this music all the time! I mean, does he have to play nonstop all the way back to the Vatican? Does anyone have any aspirin?"

April Coming to a Close Already???

Josh and I are proud to announce that we bought Howie's first car last night. We didn't feel the need to wait until he turns 16... he is now the proud owner of a little red push car. We pushed him up and down the driveway today, and he's already beginning to enjoy the feel of the steering wheel in his chubby little hands.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Desch Family Update

Hi Friends!! We apologize for the lame-ness of our blog as of late... things have been quite busy. Howie is going to the doctor for his 9 MONTH check-up this afternoon! I can't believe that he's 9 months old now! He is blossoming before our eyes.

I now have reason to believe that Howie will follow in Mama and Papa's footsteps to become a dancing fool. Yesterday was a wretched, dreary day. It rained for a lot of the morning and was just cold and gray. Wednesday had been beautiful and we spent a lot of the afternoon outside, so we were both at a loss for what to do. I pulled all of this random stuff out of the cabinets for Howie to play with... we are having a serious toy crisis. Howie and I are both sick of his toys, so we've turned to the kitchen for entertainment. Lately these are the toys he's been playing with: a wire whisk, some mini cookie cutters, a huge slotted spoon, assorted cups and measuring spoons, a salt grinder, tea bags, salad tongs, etc. You get the point. Yesterday we had played with all the kitchen tools I could think of and had read every book and stared at each other as long as we could. Finally, it was time to dance. I put on some rocking music and started dancing like crazy. Howie started laughing. He had been silent all morning, I'm sure saying to himself that these toys were lame, but watching me dance finally brought him out of his silence and loosed his tongue. He started laughing and chattering as I danced my heart out. Josh and I always knew that dancing was in his blood, and this experience only confirmed it. Josh and I both have our dancing stories... Josh dancing so hard at my sister Emily's wedding that he threw up in my parents' front yard (before we were married), me going crazy more times than I can count. It's only a matter of time before Howie develops his own dancing lore. We're so proud.

Making Up For Our Long Blogging Silence

Friends, it has been an age since I've blogged! For some reason we have been really busy. It feels good to be back.

We're starting to prepare for our move to St. Louis- I can't believe that we're leaving Augusta in 2 short months. We're collecting boxes and I'm starting to think about things I can pack that we're not using, like Howie's newborn clothes and stuff like that. We're really sad to be leaving but excited to see what the next chapter of our lives holds.

In my blogging sabbatical Howie has been growing like a weed! As Josh mentioned in the last post, Howie has cut his very first tooth, on the bottom right side. Its coming was heralded by much crying and hand-biting, but it's finally reared its cute head through the gum. We're having so much fun watching him grow and develop new skills. He's talking a lot and interacting more and more every day.

As you can see, we've posted some more pictures. Let me tell you about them.
1. Howie has discovered that it's fun to play in the laundry basket. This is not a phase that will last long, but for now it's fun for him to have his very own boat to play in, and it's fun for us to have him contained in a small space where he can't go anywhere.
2. What can brown do for you? Bible Bill showed up at our apartment last night in all brown. We told him he could apply for a job with UPS in that outfit.
3. Howie in his high chair, where he spends a lot of time. His favorite foods lately are yogurt, lentils and rice, broccoli, sweet potatoes, prunes, and peas.
4. Howie with crazy Uncle Tommy during a recent visit to Peachtree City.
5. Howie hanging out on Papa's shoulders. He used to pull Josh's hair a lot when he was sitting up there, but thankfully he's moved on.
6. Howie eating a teething cookie. Yeesh, these things make a serious mess. Whenever he eats them it guarantees him a bath. But do they ever taste GOOD!!

We wish all of you a blessed Easter!

Photo Update (Plus, right off the press, Howie has a tooth!)

Dear Everyone,

Sorry it has taken us so long to post. We have been extremely busy recently. Here are some great pictures!!!

Update With Photos

As you can see, Howie proudly exercised his civic right and duty in Georgia's primary on Super Tuesday. Unfortunately, he voted for Hillary. We couldn't talk him out of it.
Does this look comfortable to you? I find him sleeping in the strangest positions. I guess having your face smashed against the crib is just a matter of preference.
Sharpies, the world's cheapest and most fascinating toy.
Howie getting updated on news following Super Tuesday. He's into current events.
Howie groovin' with Aunt Marnie.
Howie obviously inherited the "I-look-good-in-a-sweater-vest" gene from his papa.
Howie, serious about his playing