A Story of Parental Failure

This guy is really something else. He can make you do things you always said you'd never do. Here's an example from last night. I took the boys (and Wren- still not used to that!) to Chick-Fil-A for lunch yesterday (who knew Chick-Fil-A was in New Jersey?? YAY!!) and we had a wonderful time. When they asked for a snack later in the day, I wanted them to eat some fruit since lunch was a nutritional bust. Howie ate his without complaint, but Justice is another story altogether. To make a long story short he eventually ate a little but I wanted him to eat a bit more before having anything else to eat. He was set on eating some animal crackers right then, with no more fruit before. I was weakening and weakening... this is embarrassing... and I finally told him to take one more bite. It was an apple slice, and he threw it down on the floor. I told him that was not ok, but then he kicked it under the dishwasher. I found this so hilarious that I was laughing behind my hands. I gave him another one and told him to eat it, and he pushed that slice far under the dishwasher with a maniacal giggle. At this point I lost it, and he too was laughing his head off. He definitely won that round. Although defiance is not funny, you wouldn't know it from that interaction. Gotta work on that doing what mama asks with a cheerful attitude.

Fun With Photo Booth

Who knew how much fun you can have with Photo Booth?? Instant entertainment.

Words I Hate, & A Surprising Twist

There are many words that I hate. Hate to say, hate to hear. I hate some of them because of how they sound, and others because of what they remind me of. Here are some that I can think of off the top of my head, although there are many others.

1. Nuts. I HATE this word. I also do not care for the food by that name. If I have to refer to this item, I choose to call them specials. And I do NOT eat them.

2. Portion. Nastiest sounding word ever.

3. Moist. Just picture someone saying this as they bite into a fried chicken leg, chin glistening with grease.

4. Loaf. Say this word slowly, and you'll see why it's so awful. It just sounds terrible.

5. Lump. Josh and I both agree. This is disgusting.

Now for the Surprising Twist:

Josh and I bought a Nook.

Why is this surprising, you may ask? I hate the word "nook." It makes me shiver to say. Why, oh why, would you name your tablet (another shiver-inducing word) Nook? Barnes and Noble, what were you possibly thinking? Let's look at the competition in this hot market. Amazon: Kindle Fire. Very nice name. Not offensive in the least. Apple: iPad. Though I'm not crazy about this name, it's not that bad. I think they could have thought of something better, but it's not horrible. But the NOOK??? So you may ask why we picked it, and that would be an excellent question. It came down to economics. A family from church gave us a Barnes and Noble gift card, so the Nook would be the wise choice. But if I were a tablet namer, I would pick something both pleasant to say and mildly descriptive of the product. How about the Portal? The Portal to the internet? Or how about the Time Waster? Haha, just a joke. Anyway, I find that I have a hard time saying that I own a NOOK. I think I'll just change the name to Hook for my own purposes. Their symbol is a lowercase n, so if you just give the n an extra stick on top you have a lowercase h. Also I've always scoffed at the tablet craze since it was unclear to me what they did that was so important, but now I have one. I know my sister Marnie will find this particularly hard to believe. Open mouth, insert slice of humble pie.

Reflecting on 2011 In Some Fairly Inconsquential Ways

I was thinking today about some things that marked the year 2011 for me. So here we go... some of the random things that figured prominently in 2011 chez Desch:

1. The Johnny Cash Children's Album. This is a fabulous CD and has had much, much airtime at our house, starting in St Louis and continuing here.
2. Transitions of all kinds. From St Louis to Peoria to Teaneck, from a family of 4 to a family of 5, from student to pastor, from marginally sane mom to officially insane mom (mwahahahaha), from sedan to minivan, 1 car to 2 cars, from reasonable rent to ridiculous rent, from Grace & Peace to Grace Redeemer, etc.
3. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I could sing the theme song backwards in my sleep.
4. Missing friends. We said goodbye to so many dear friends in St Louis and it's hard to come from such a tight-knit community to starting over again in a new place.
5. Weather catastrophes and power outages. The snowpocalypse was forecasted in St Louis at the beginning of 2011, and although that was massively overblown, I'll still count it. New Jersey has held weather surprises, including a hurricane and fall blizzard, with several power outages of varying lengths thrown in for fun.
6. Library fines. Although fines are not particular to 2011, they were a continuing theme. I paid fines to close out accounts in St Louis, I paid fines in Peoria over the summer, and I'm paying fines in Teaneck. I actually discovered after we moved to Teaneck that I had packed a Peoria library book with our books. Dangit. You can believe I started getting notices about that. I paid the replacement fee and now it's ours. But I don't even like the book. The irony. Someone should name a library wing after me. Seriously.
7. Somewhat pathetic NFL watching. Usually we keep up with the NFL season religiously, but Peyton sat the whole season out and in Teaneck you watch either the Jets or the Giants. Period. It's been a bit of a downer season for us. But we're still watching the playoffs and cheering for the downfall of the Patriots, as usual. At least there's no opportunity for playoff heartache as usual with the Colts. I think I only listened to Mike & Mike twice the whole season. That is highly unusual.
8. Bad diet. This has been the year of the horrible family diet. We started packing the kitchen up in April, which led to a lot of Papa (Johns) in da house, then moved in with my parents where we let the boys have the full grandma and grandpa experience for a whole summer which meant lots of sweets, then moved to Teaneck and prepared to have a new baby in 6 weeks. That meant more pizza. Then Wren was born. At this point our new pizza place of choice (Victors) was practically on speed dial. Then we found this AMAZING licorice at Whole Foods. I would be content to be buried alive in it and forced to eat my way out for survival. Then we discovered how much we love bagels. Yeesh. One of my new year's resolutions was to start cooking again, and that means more than putting a hot dog in the microwave, pouring a bowl of cereal, pulling the wrapper off a lollypop, and preheating the oven for chicken nuggets. This is embarassing but I am in need of accountability. Please hold me to this.

Things I Love Today

1. Howie's school, which is in the basement of this beautiful church about 20 minutes from our house (on a good traffic day... yeesh). We love it. He has learned so much and grown tremendously from his class three afternoons a week, and we are so grateful for a good teacher for him! Below you can see some of the fruits of his hard work at school. I'm trying my best to help him learn at home too, which makes me even more thankful for his school... I do NOT think Howie and I would be a well-suited combo for homeschooling!! HAHAHAHA

2. These parenting DVDs from Paul Tripp. They are wonderfully helpful and so convicting too. I definitely recommend them. (Although Josh and I have an ongoing conversation about Paul Tripp. His brother Tedd wrote Shepherding a Child's Heart, which has very similar content, yet you never hear about Tedd Tripp. Did Paul steal his material and stuff him in his trunk or something??) That aside, this is a wonderful resource if you're interested.

3. These children's books by Kenneth Taylor. He did the Living Bible paraphrase, and I really like how he writes for children. The boys love this story Bible, even though it does include some really weird stories, like when the people of Israel disobeyed Moses and God opened the earth and swallowed some, and others like that... I know all Scripture is profitable, but in a Bible for kids? A little hard to explain. Anyway it's still a good book. My parents gave me the other book for my 3rd birthday!! Isn't that wild? I loved it as a kid and the boys really enjoy it too.

4. Pink tutus and gumball shoes.

5. Our church. The kids and I have had the privilege of having lots of playdates over the last few weeks with moms and kids from our church, and it has been a delight to get to know people from our new community better. We're so grateful for the warm welcome we've received!

Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1: You've Almost Got To See It To Believe It

Believe it or not, to my shame, I've seen all of the Twilight movies. This is not something I'm proud of, and lest I be confused with a Twilight fan, I would like to give a review of Breaking Dawn Part 1, which I had the dubious honor of seeing with my sister last month.

The Quick Takeaway: This is the worst movie I've ever seen.

My sister Marnie and I decided in advance of our trip back to Peoria for Christmas that we would go see Twilight in the theater. We watched the first one together and nearly fell over laughing at many points, unintentionally funny of course. We looked up movie times and theaters to find out when we could go, and the movie was only playing still in 1 theater, 2 separate times. Should have been a sign of some kind. We decided to go to the late show, which started at 10:30ish or something. When we arrived there was already one couple in the theater, which made us a bit concerned... we knew that we would be annoying to the genuine fan since this movie was sure to prove hilarious. (side note: it was a couple!! on their anniversary!! this would be akin to me telling josh we were going to have our fingernails pulled off for our anniversary!!) They said they weren't real fans so no worries if we starting laughing. Phew. Then a middle-aged man walked in by himself. Twilight?? Whatever. The previews rolled and then came the film.

Oh. my. dear. goodness.

Sheer. comedy.

Worst. acting. ever.

Worst. screenplay. ever.

Here are some of my favorite highlights:

1. Edward invited Jacob to his and Bella's wedding as a wedding present for Bella. Do you really invite the man that your fiancee is still kind of in love with and barely passed up for you? Bella and Jacob shared a touching dance in the woods and you kind of got the idea that she was a little sorry she had picked Edward. Definitely not how I would choose to celebrate my wedding, by inviting your new wife to have a moment with her sort of ex that she still likes, but I'm not a vampire.

2. This line.

Edward: I'll see you at the altar.

Bella: I'll be the one in white.

Enough said on that.

3. Bella's entire pregnancy. Ridiculous. First of all, she started to feel the baby after 1 day of pregnancy, and the whole gestation seemed to last for about a month or so. While I wish pregnancy were this quick, it's not. Maybe I need to start carrying vampire babies.

4. Bella and Edward's names for their baby. Girl? Renesme, after their mothers Renee and Esme. That's a good one. Boy? E.J. for Edward Jacob. Going to name your son after your husband and the runner-up who you still kind of like? Classy. At least then you can look at your child and remember that you could have been a werewolf wife. (Why does Edward go along with this???) Bet you anything we start hearing the name Renesme as Twilight fans move into the childbearing years. You heard it here first.

5. Edward performing surgery on Bella with his teeth. At this point we were cackling. That was so ridiculous, with so little explanation of what was actually going on and why he was performing a c-section on his wife with his teeth. Disgusting. And just weird.

6. Said baby was born looking like Wren looks now. Maybe that was why her gestation was so short. (If you're curious, it was Renesme.)

7. The talking werewolves. They spoke the most horrible lines to each other. It was hilarious.

8. At one point Jacob suddenly turns into his werewolf self and in the process his shirt rips since his werewolf self is so big, and the teenage girls get a quick, luscious glance at Taylor Lautner's 6-pack. You knew that would be in there somewhere.

There were so many more moments that made us laugh- I really believe this was the worst movie I've ever seen, and once Josh picked out a movie where Nicolas Cage was a motorcycle rider whose head started on fire. I always knew it would take a lot to top that as worst movie ever, but Breaking Dawn took the cake. Never have I seen a franchise with a screenplay so poorly written- I haven't read the books and maybe these are just horrible adaptations, but the characters are horrible. They have the most wooden and context-less exchanges. Edward and Bella have no chemistry whatsoever and never have conversations that aren't frought with angst and manufactured emotion. The bottom line: I don't know why these movies are a phenomenon.

But if you're just looking for laughs, definitely rent this one! It won't disappoint.

Hilarious... Bjork on Iceland's Economy

Kristin Wiig impersonating Bjork makes me die laughing. If you've never heard Bjork's music, go listen to a quick sample and then watch this. TOO FUNNY!!!