Have ya'll seen Will Ferrell's impression of George W. Bush in the "Axis of Evil" Saturday Night Live skit? That is soooo funny. This skit came to mind last night when Josh and I were watching Game 1 of the NBA Finals between the Spurs and the Cavaliers. I'm going to list popular sports figures who we placed into the Axis of Evil last night.
1. TONY PARKER. There are more reasons that I can list why this guy got thrown into the Axis of Evil. First of all, don't think I'm a France basher, but the last thing you expect to hear when a huge NBA player opens his mouth to speak is a French accent. French accents are nice in the proper context, like in a mushy movie or on a cooking reality show. But on the basketball court? Strange at best. Second, ABC did one of those little interviews with Tony Parker they always do to show during time-outs or half-time- you know, the ones where the players are a little shadowy and sitting in front of some kind of curtain- and this was more or less a quote from the lips of Mr. Parker. "Sometimes I feel that I don't get enough credit playing for San Antonio." Are you kidding me? Can you please sound a little more egotistical? Third, Tony Parker is engaged to Eva Longoria of "Desperate Housewives" fame. I am NOT an Eva Longoria fan. In fact, she is almost in Fergie's company in my estimation, and if you ever read our blog, you know that's not a good thing. Back in my days of personal training I used to get magazines like Oxygen, Women's Health, Self, and Fitness. These magazines are fond of interviewing celebrities who are skinny, but not really athletic, to see what their fitness plans are. Eva was one such person. Skinny, but not really athletic, and thereby not deserving of an interview in a fitness magazine in my opinion. Just because you're skinny doesn't mean you're healthy or that people should emulate your approach to fitness. Anyway, most of the interviews I read with her were just disgustingly egotistical. She must have taken a page out of her fiance's book when doing them. She went on and on about how hard she works to keep her body looking like that, and I just wanted to give her a cold, hard dose of reality. Eva, you have no idea what most people's lives are like, and you don't deserve to be held up as a fitness icon because you probably work out for 5 hours a day with a trainer getting paid upwards of $300 each hour- not really a realistic fitness program for most people. All of these things combined DEFINITELY land Tony Parker smack in the middle of the Sports Axis of Evil.
2. BILL BELICHEK. This man was put into the Axis of Evil for very obvious reasons, namely, he is the coach of the New England Patriots, and because of that fact we believe that he worships Satan. And he wears that really weird sweatshirt with the cut-off sleeves. What is that about? A sweatshirt is about warmth, so why cut the sleeves off? If you want to be cooler, don't wear a sweatshirt.
3. TOM BRADY. Tom Brady is also a no-brainer in the Axis of Evil, seeing as he's the starting quarterback for the New England Patriots. Take your pretty face somewhere else, Tom. It's not welcome in the NFL.
4. MICHAEL VICK. Michael Vick is in the Axis of Evil because he's not a finisher. He will have a great few minutes, but right when it matters most, he crumbles. That's why the Falcons got crushed by the worst teams in the NFL last season. Because you, Michael Vick, are in the Axis of Evil. He also just has a shady personal life. He's a serious liability to the Falcons, and if they knew anything they would have traded him faster than you could say "you're horrible."
5. SATAN. Satan is not a sports figure, but for painfully obvious reasons he is in the Axis of Evil.
I know there are others that need to be thrown in... feel free to make some suggestions.
Have a wonderful weekend!!
1 comment:
My number one will always be the New York Yankees, especially the likes of Roger Clemens, Mike Mussina, that Taiwanese guy Wang, Johnny Damon, Alex Rodriguez, Abreu, Damon Sheffield, Randy Johnson and all the other guy who have whored themselves out to the Yankees. I have some respect for Jeter and Posada cause they've always been with the team. I'm surprised y'all didn't put them at number one.
2) Notre Dame football. The whole program. No exceptions.
3) Mike Kryz_____ski. Anyone with a last name like that and who also happens to look like Satan and who is strongly associated with the University of New Jersey at Durham and who is in insurance commercials must be bad.
4) Anyone who watches ice dancing or talks bad about John Kruk or Charles Barkley.
5) All the money-grubbing college presidents and athletic directors who stick with the BCS, even though it is clearly evil, instead of a playoff.
6) Billy Donavon. Stick to your word man.
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